Starting back at the beginning...

I first starting blogging on MYSPACE after Jim passed.  Since I started this blog, I have thought a lot that I should post my older blogs on here.  So, I have decided to share each of them with you.  My emotions have changed since my first post but it is still amazing to me to read my roller coaster ride over the past three years. 

Saturday, March 04, 2006 

First time Current mood:  depressed ok, so this is my first time blogging...if that is what you say.  Right now in my life I don't make a lot of sense...my world is spinning so fast that I can't think straight.  As you might have read, my husband passed away a month ago from today.  I can't believe that it has been a month already.  It feels like yesterday we were talking, laughing, loving...My husband was the most wonderful man in the world.  Everyday since he has passed I have received cards, emails, letters from so many people reminding me of that.  Today I got a hand written letter from the Governor of KY...not many people get that.  I am the luckiest person in the world to say that I was married to him and that I have two beautiful children by him.  I just don't get it though...why do the happiest people get it so bad.  Why did my husband have to die?  I remember telling Jim just about a week before his death, how happy I was.  No seriously, I know that we had our hands full with two young babies but I was truly happy.  I didn't want anything to change.  But it did and I am still trying to cope with not having him around.  He was my best friend.  I miss not being able to call him when Stetson (my son) does something funny or when Evie (my daughter) smiles for the first time.  I miss kissing him goodbye every morning and as we go to sleep at night.  I miss him holding my hand as we drive down the road. I miss the way he looked at me.  I miss his smile, his laugh.  I miss, I miss, I miss EVERYTHING.  He was a good man...He was my husband...why?  I love you Jim and I miss you so much.  I will be with you soon...I have a few things to do here first.