Wednesday, April 15, 2009

What lies ahead

The people in my life:
There have been many people in my life.  Some I would mention and some I wouldn't, just for saving face.  But I have to say, that every person who has come into my life has had a purpose. Rather that purpose is to praise me for my strengths, scold me for my weaknesses or just merely listen and never comment on my actions.  I am thankful for all the different types of people in my life.   But I am especially thankful for Jim who had every single one of these qualities in our relationship.  There are days, since Jim's passing, that I have thought to myself, "where is my life leading me now?"  
When I was with him, I always had something to look forward too.  Rather an upcoming wedding, the birth of our son or the birth of our daughter.  I remember he telling me when I was pregnant with Evie, that he was scared.  He was worried that I wouldn't have anything to look forward too.  Many major events happened in our lives.  
Little did he know, but I was looking forward to the everyday events.  The not worrying about a certain date when something major would change our lives, but the everyday dinners as a family.  Or planning a family vacation or just grocery shopping on Saturdays.  I felt like we always worked towards a huge goal that was life changing.  That we never got to experience normal life as a family.  
I now live day to day never looking forward.  I have no idea what my future holds for me, Stetson and Evie.  But what I do know, is Jim will watch over us everyday.  He will be our Angel and God will see that we live the best life possible.  My world is different not looking ahead.  This is one of the many gifts I thank Jim for after his passing.  I cherish the now, and never rush the future. 

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